Single, yet Sexual
God created you and called you good…and, that includes your sexuality. Let’s unpack a framework to help you see the goodness of your sexuality, even in your singleness.
where we’ve been in the purity culture movement
The purity culture movement often reduced sexuality to a list of “don’ts” in an effort to emphasize the goodness of married sex. While well-intended, the messages of purity culture has led to feelings of shame, fear, and disconnection from our bodies.
Many who grew up in this culture struggle to embrace intimacy within marriage, carrying the weight of guilt and confusion about their bodies, their desires (or lack of) and sexuality.
Why? Because the purity message was often delivered without the full story of God's design of your good body…and the joy and connection in intimacy, leaving many feeling stuck.
If not The purity culture, then what?
Purity is not about a list of things to avoid, rather it’s a posture of the heart…purity is a celebration of the works of God and the ways of God. Solely focusing our pursuit of purity on “avoiding sex” can create feelings of shame, roots of seeing your body as “bad”, and disconnection from the reality and goodness of your God-given sexuality.
NO. 1
NO. 2
Pursue purity by looking to the Word of God and the works of God. Your body is a masterpiece, designed by a good Creator who wants to reveal Himself through you, His image bearer. It is good and right to understand your body, bless your body and see your sensuality (your five senses) as good gifts.
God designed us to live integrated - mind, body and spirit. In 1 Thessalonians 5: 23 we see, “May God himself, the God who makes everything holy and whole, make you holy and whole, put you together - spirit, soul, and body - and keep you fit for the coming of our Master, Jesus Christ.” It is good to be pursue God with your whole self. You can live integrated, show up fully alive and experience more of the goodness of God.
NO. 3
Five things I wish I knew as a single woman
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Your body is a literal gift of heaven to connect you to, and reveal God's heart. Your body is not a stumbling block. Your body is not a burden. Your body is not dirty. Your body is not dangerous. Your body is not a stumbling block. Your body is an image bearer. Your body is a temple of God. Your body is the way that God lives in you and moves through you. And your sexuality is part of that. Different seasons of your life, your femininity, your maternal nature, your ability to be receptive to God, and others will manifest in different ways. But ultimately, all of it is beautiful and all of it is good.
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Sensuality is not sinful. Look into your five senses and worship God there! Is that for you, as I’m connecting with my five senses, everything that comes, holy, and a pathway to discover and worship God. In marriage, even more so, because our sex life has become a place of true adoration and worship of our God, who gave us a beautiful gift - your longings, sexuality, and desire. Begin blessing it now. Thank God that your body is alive and is working. These longings for intimacy, closeness and companionship are from God. Bless them and thank God for them, realizing that these feelings point to an eternal longing to be one with God. And secondly, find healthy ways of connecting with community, building healthy relationships with your brothers in Christ, and growing in wholeness with your own story. When it’s time for you to get married, if that is your vocation, then you will have a deep sense of health and integration to bring with you.
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It’s not a weakness, it’s not something to harden and wall up. Femininity by nature means that you are receptive, invitational, open, fluid, tender, and life-giving. Find ways for your femininity to flourish and bless your current relationships.
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It’s a calling to pursue pleasure, and to prioritize connection. To choose oneness, vulnerability and leaning in over and over again. To learn to fight for each other, not fight each other. These are relational skills that you can begin practicing in your Christian community now. Choosing connection with your friends when it’s easier to disconnect. Having hard conversations that lead to fruitful breakthroughs. Doing the work in your own story so that you can navigate the highs and the lows of marriage one day from a place of integration and wholeness rather than fractured insecurity.
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No one will ever be able to complete you fully except for the one your soul was made for which, the living God. Once you’re married, you will have many times of joy and many times of sorrow, and ultimately, the Lord is your rock. Never stop growing in building that space of intimacy.
More Resources
Learn more about sexual formation with Francie on the Heaven in Your Home podcast.
01. Defining integration
Let’s define integration with a Biblical lens, as we look at our bodies and sexuality through a more celebratory view.
02. Five things to share with your daughter (or a single friend)
Let's usher in a new era of understanding and appreciation for the incredible gift of our female bodies, our desires and our holy longings for intimacy.
We get to steward the gift of our sexuality, with purpose and intention over the course of our life. And, faithfulness brings great benefits.
03. stewarding sexuality
