Ep. 229 | Intentional Intimacy: Using Our Words to Name Body Parts Without Shame
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By Francie Winslow
Today I want to gently open up a conversation that many of us never learned how to have—one that might feel awkward at first but can lead to surprising freedom.
We're talking about words. Specifically, using real words to name our body parts—without shame.
It might sound simple, maybe even silly. But I’ve found that this area—our vocabulary—often reveals deeper stories. Stories of silence, discomfort, shame, or confusion around our bodies and our sexuality. And I believe God wants to meet us there.
Because naming the good things God made isn’t shameful. It’s actually part of our healing.
Why It Matters
Words are powerful. Scripture reminds us that the words we speak reflect what’s going on in our hearts. And I’d add: the things we can’t say might be a clue to where our hearts still need healing.
When we avoid naming our bodies or talking about intimacy, we can unknowingly reinforce shame. We miss chances for connection, clarity, and joy in our marriage. And if we can’t talk freely and respectfully about our own bodies, how can we model that freedom for our children?
My Journey With Words
Early in marriage, Wyatt and I would go to bookstores and read books about sex (because we couldn’t afford to buy them!). He’d be ready to talk about what he learned in the car—and I’d freeze. My voice disappeared. I couldn’t say anything—not because I didn’t care, but because I didn’t have the language. I felt too embarrassed, too unsure.
Over time, God began healing that part of me. I started to practice saying real words out loud—penis, vulva, clitoris. Alone, at first. Then with Wyatt. It felt awkward, but also like a doorway was opening.
How to Start
Here are two small but meaningful steps if you want to grow in this area too:
Start with anatomical names. Practice saying them—penis, vagina, vulva, clitoris, testicles. Get used to the sound of them in your mouth. Try saying them to yourself, to the Lord, to your spouse. This helps break shame’s grip and normalize what God made.
Add playful, honoring names. Once you’re more comfortable, consider giving each other fun, private names for your bodies. Something meaningful, sweet, maybe a little silly. You get to co-create this language that fits your relationship and brings joy to your intimacy.
This isn’t about being crass—it’s about finding language for connection that feels safe and honoring.
Final Thoughts
If this is hard for you, I understand. It was hard for me too. But we don’t have to stay stuck. God delights in our bodies. He called them good. And He wants to renew not just our minds—but our words too.
As we learn to name without shame, we make space for more honest conversations, more joyful intimacy, and more freedom in our marriages.
So here’s your gentle challenge: try using your words this week. Practice. Laugh. Invite your spouse in. And invite God to speak His love over every part of who you are—body, soul, and spirit.