The Sex Talk You Never Got: What Formed Your View of Sex
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By Francie Winslow
“Everybody has a sex view… Silence around sexuality forms us just as much as what’s spoken.”
— Francie Winslow, Female by Design Podcast
If you’ve ever asked…
Why do I feel anxious or confused about sex?
How did the church or my upbringing shape how I view intimacy?
Is it too late to heal from sexual shame?
These are pretty common questions, and here’s what I’ve seen: God will meet you as you lean in and ask Him for a new lens.
In this week’s episode of Female by Design, I unpack how our personal history, religious messages, and relational experiences all shape our "sex view." Whether you’re five years into marriage or still holding wounds from early sexual messaging, this is an invitation to pause, get curious, and let God gently reframe what may have been distorted.
1. Your “Sex View” Is Already Formed—Whether You Know It or Not
“We all have a sex view—like a worldview. We all have understandings or assumptions about sex based on what we were told when we were younger, what we experienced, what we witnessed, what we learned—or didn’t—from silence or abuse.”
— Francie Winslow
We may think we’re starting fresh in marriage or adulthood, but we carry unspoken beliefs deep inside us. Even one awkward or absent conversation in premarital counseling—or an overemphasis on “just don’t do it”—can form a fragmented foundation.
2. Silence and Shame Are Powerful Shapers of Belief
“I haven’t heard many stories where people say, ‘We were prepared well for married sex.’ Most people say, ‘We never talked about it. Or maybe once. And it was weird.’”
— Francie Winslow
Our bodies and sexual desires were created by God—but when they’re surrounded by silence, that lack of language can lead to confusion and even disconnection in marriage.
The enemy thrives in silence. But God speaks into the void with truth, goodness, and design. The first step is noticing what’s shaped you, so you can invite Him into it.
3. Purity Culture Might’ve Taught You What Not to Do—But Not What God Actually Designed
Many of us were taught to fear our bodies, suppress desire, or believe that sexuality was a “dangerous” part of life until marriage flipped the switch.
“God has the power to enter wherever we are and help heal the narrative in our mind, the experiences of our bodies and nervous systems, and the reality of our relationships.”
— Francie Winslow
If your sexual formation has been more about behavior management than beauty, you’re not alone—but you also don’t have to stay there.
4. God’s Heart Is for Wholeness—Not Just Abstinence or Behavior Change
“Sexual wholeness isn’t just about stopping bad behavior. It’s about walking into the light and reclaiming goodness.”
— Francie Winslow
This isn’t about fixing something broken. It’s about reclaiming the goodness you were created for. Because sex is more than a duty. It’s a celebration. It’s meant to be nourishing, embodied, connective.
But for many of us, that truth has to be relearned slowly—and with grace.
5. Healing Is Possible—Even If You Feel Late to the Conversation
“Even if you’re 30 years into marriage, you’re not behind. God can heal and renew. He can meet you in your body, your marriage, your nervous system—and give you a new story.”
— Francie Winslow
Friend, it’s not too late to start again. There’s no shame in asking, “Where did this belief come from? And what does God actually say?”
Healing isn’t linear, and it doesn’t have to be loud. But it starts with curiosity. With inviting Jesus into the hidden places. With letting the light gently in.
Ready to Start Reframing?
Listen to Episode: The Sex Talk You Never Got – What Formed Your View of Sex
This conversation is your invitation to pause, reflect, and take a brave next step.
Journaling prompts (from the episode):
What messages about sex shaped me—spoken or unspoken?
What did I learn from silence?
·Where might God want to bring healing or truth?