Ep. 238 | Why I Struggled to Read Sex Books (and How I Healed)
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By Francie Winslow
For a long time, the idea of reading a book about sex made me deeply uncomfortable.
Even after I got married, I felt a sense of shame rise in me when I thought about learning more about sexual intimacy — like I was doing something wrong, or somehow betraying my faith.
I can still picture myself sitting in the corner of a Barnes & Noble years ago, hiding a “sex book” inside another book so no one could see the cover. I wanted to learn, but I was terrified of being found out.
And underneath that fear was something deeper: I didn’t yet believe that my sexuality was good.
The Messages That Shaped My View
Like many women raised in the church, I had absorbed the message that my body — and my beauty — was dangerous. That female sexuality was something to hide or control.
Those ideas left me disconnected from my body, unable to see pleasure as part of God’s good design. So when it came to growing in intimacy with my husband, I felt stuck.
Reading about sex wasn’t just awkward — it felt wrong.
It bumped up against years of conditioning that equated holiness with silence and fear around my own body.
The Healing Process
My healing didn’t happen all at once. It started slowly — with safety, patience, and love.
My husband’s gentle affirmation helped me begin to trust again. I started to see that learning about intimacy wasn’t dangerous, but sacred. Over time, reading small portions of helpful, practical books became part of my healing.
I realized that education is not the enemy of holiness. It’s actually a doorway into deeper understanding, communication, and connection.
As I read, I began to:
Develop language for my desires and needs
Understand the beauty of anatomy and design
Learn to cultivate pleasure in marriage as an act of worship and stewardship
See that my body was never something to fear — it was something to celebrate
Books gave us shared language, fresh vision, and practical tools for connection. They became one small but meaningful part of reclaiming joy and freedom in our marriage.
Growing Into God’s Design for Pleasure
God designed marriage and sexuality to be a place of delight, not dread.
He placed us in a garden called Eden — which literally means pleasure.
Learning, growing, and cultivating intimacy is part of what it means to tend that garden.
It’s an act of intentional love — not performance, not perfection — just steady, patient growth.
Whether through books, conversation, or courses, we can keep learning how to live more fully alive in His design.