Ep. 231 | Intentional Intimacy: Words After Sex - Intimate Affirmation That Builds Connection
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By Francie Winslow
n this next part of our intentional intimacy series, I want to gently turn our attention to a moment that doesn’t often get much focus—but really should: the time right after sex.
This moment matters. You’ve just shared something deeply personal, offering your whole self and receiving your spouse’s in return. And in that vulnerable space, what’s said—or not said—can shape how connected, seen, and safe we feel.
Why It Matters
We can easily fall into routines: roll over, clean up, fall asleep, move on. And while there’s nothing wrong with those things, we might be missing an opportunity to let intimacy linger—to reinforce with our words what our bodies just expressed.
I’ve learned over time (and through my own fumbling, honest journey) that after-sex words have a way of anchoring us. They affirm the gift we just gave and received. They speak love and value. They build emotional intimacy that continues long after the physical moment has passed.
Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, is still moving through your body after orgasm—and it grows even more when you stay close, skin to skin, and exchange meaningful words. This is a simple but powerful way to deepen connection in a way that lasts.
How to Start
You don’t need to be poetic or have all the right words. Just be real. Here are some ideas to spark a new rhythm after intimacy:
“I loved that with you.”
“Thank you for the way you loved me.”
“You’re such a gift to me.”
“That moment felt really special.”
“I love being yours.”
In our marriage, we’ve used the idea of “frames”—like mental snapshots. Sometimes we’ll ask each other, “What was your favorite frame?” It gives us a light, easy way to share and reflect without pressure.
And here’s another idea: ask.
“What do you love hearing from me after we make love?”
“What would help you feel more seen and affirmed?”
These questions might lead to surprising insights—especially in seasons of change, like after babies, during healing, or in the middle of rebuilding connection.
Final Thoughts
Intimacy is layered. It’s not just what happens before or during sex—it’s also about how we care for each other afterward. When we stay present just a little longer, when we speak gently and intentionally, we create a safe space to be fully known and loved.
And when that happens, we’re not just growing a better sex life—we’re growing a stronger, more connected marriage.
So this week, try lingering. Hold each other a little longer. Say what’s on your heart. Let your words carry the connection just a bit further.